Growing and Living Fatherless

I asked my friend Deb who often listened to my cries and showed support to my children to relate her story of growing without a father. Still something she can’t easily tell. An open wound hard to heal. Here is what she wrote:

I was asked by a good friend what it was like to grow up without a father. Her husband had left her and her two young girls. For me, my mom was nine months pregnant with my younger sister when my dad left. I was seven, and living in California. I have vague memories of my dad to be honest from life there. When my dad left, mom decided to move back to the midwest to move in with her parents. Moving from warm California to cold, snowy midwest was a bit of a jar to say the least.

I think I really felt the impact of my life without a dad in grade school. It was at grade school. It was when school started, and was released. I would see dads, fewer than moms, but a fatherless child would notice. Also, I felt the pain when there would be father and child events. At a young age, I realized the burden my mom was shouldering without my dad. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I felt conflicted. I was angry at my dad, and yet wanted a dad as I watched fellow students interact with their dad.

We had one visit with dad early on with his new wife and child – I think a son. Can’t remember. What I do remember while sitting in the backseat of his car is being angry and jealous. He was showing love to wife and child while I was feeling deserted by him. I don’t have any other memories of him.

Through the years, I have thought about what life must be like for those who grow up with a dad, and what it has been like growing up without a dad. With the recent basketball college Iowa player phenom of Caitlin Clark, She said her dad was a major supporter of her basketball career. It made me think about what my dad has missed with his three girls. Frankly, I think he doesn’t care, and to be honest, I don’t care. I buried him in my thoughts years ago. It is his loss, and I won’t give him another thought after this writing.

What I do know after all of these years is moms are dependable. They will always be there to support you, love you, and be there when you need them.

“I buried him in my thoughts years ago“. During our exchanges, I tried to see if Deb would be willing to reconnect with her dad. At some point he had tried to reach at her. I am afraid the door has been definitely been closed. Her father doesn’t deserve her. I just think she might need to tell him how she felt.